Secrets and Lies
As discussed in the first chapter, the unknowable world (to men) of feminine emotions can be a closely guarded secret. Women are good at speaking the language of emotions with each other, but do a poor job of communicating and explaining it to men.
Of course, men’s disconnection from emotions makes it a far more difficult job, and for some men it is nearly impossible for them to understand. The degree of disconnection a man has from his emotions directly correlates with his ability to hear a women’s language. Men – The Gods of Love covers how men can change themselves. And it does take “two to tango.” But let’s be honest, men are not as ready to open themselves to emotions as women would like. In fact, men are conditioned to be this way because they are taught that women want the tough protector who “fears no evil.” There is truth in this, isn’t there? So how can a wise woman communicate with a mental based man?
EMOTIONAL STRENGTH
No question about it, women’s strength lies in the area of emotions. This is the area that can touch infinity, the face of God, and is not stuck in the masculine linear thinking mode. This is a mighty and awesome power – and responsibility. A working relationship must be created and nurtured. Men at present are not going to be the most well-equipped of the two genders in this arena. So therefore a woman must be the guiding influence. This requires care, consideration, selflessness, and selfishness. These last two are where many get into trouble.
Selflessness is simply giving of self, without thought of self, altruism. There are no hidden agendas, underlying motivations, etc. The definition7 is: 1. the quality of unselfish concern for the welfare of others; 2. acting with less concern for yourself than for the success of the joint activity. The unbalanced or negative aspect of these qualities is the forgetting of one’s self.
Selfishness is simply solely caring for self, making sure you’re getting what you need, ego-centrism. Defined8 it is: 1. concerned chiefly or only with yourself and your advantage to the exclusion of others; 2. concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others. Notice the parts of the definitions in italics. These are the parts of natural selfishness that are learned, allowed, or encouraged by how you are raised. They are harmful to others and allow all sorts of hurtful behaviors; and they damage us. How?
When you exclude the world that you are a part of from your consideration, you are building a wall around you that isolates you. You think the walls are part of your fortress that will protect you. In reality they are part of your prison that isolates you and keeps you unfulfilled.
So how does one balance selflessness and selfishness? No, you don’t need a magic wand or new outfit including shoes. You need to understand paradox, the state of being of two seemingly opposite qualities that are both true at the same time. When the two conjoin to become one, they become greater than the sum of their parts.
Paradoxically, selfishness and selflessness become self, as in the answer Moses got at the burning bush, “I am,” – the world. The world is me. All that I do affects the world, as I am an integral part of it. The world must be considered as the greater “me.” So selfishness includes care of the greater “me,” which is selflessness at the same time. It’s a paradox in action.
Okay, let’s get back to what to do about men and relationships. So if men are a part of the greater you, a part that has been damaged by their training to be the “man” for you, how should you handle this? I suggest with a wise heart, guiding, loving and creating opening after opening for them to rise up to. You may face disappointments. You can handle it, especially if you know they are not doing their “man act” to spite you, but because they think they are supposed to. And you may recognize that, in some ways, you have encouraged this. Own both sides, love both sides and use your expansiveness to encompass all, and nurture it. This does not mean you should allow disrespectful behaviors; just don’t seek revenge, and only use correction through mutual understanding. Let go of being right, winning the argument; be right about what you are creating, the relationship.
Unfortunately, the feminine is not without weapons of its own that it uses when scorned.